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Divorce to Remarriage - I’m Just So Mad!

A natural albeit unhealthy outcome of any divorce proceeding is anger. How one manages anger will make a big difference in readjusting to the new reality. Anger management counseling may be in order, though admission will be the first step.
This article lists situations where you may find yourself getting angry.

One of the most common feelings experienced when you go through a divorce is anger. It’s pretty universal whether you initiated the divorce or not.

There are several reasons for this. Of course there is the rejection that’s experienced when your spouse tells you they don’t want to be married to you anymore. But then you throw in all of the other details such as the kid’s reaction to the family separating, splitting up finances and possessions, and everyone else’s reaction to the divorce, you’re bound to have an angry outburst once in awhile.

Even though the feeling may be universal, the expression of it is as varied as the people involved. Today, let’s look at some of the most common reasons for anger after a divorce.

Acknowledging that you’re angry is the first step to being able to manage it. Don’t try to ignore it and act like it isn’t there. That’s a recipe for an all out explosion, maybe toward someone that doesn’t deserve it – like your kids.

1. Anger toward your ex-spouse – They are an easy target aren’t they? It’s not difficult to see them as the ones responsible for everything.

If your spouse left you – they are the horrible person who did this to you.
If you chose to leave - it was because your spouse was such a lousy partner.

While anger at the beginning of the divorce process is to be expected, what happens if you carry it around with you like a badge of honor? How helpful is that to you in the long run? How helpful is that to your children?

2. Anger your kids express toward you about the divorce – Kids don’t like change. They like their lives to be simple, with no wild cards thrown in. When a divorce decision is made, it’s out of their control. They don’t have a say in it and there will be so many changes for them. You can expect some anger because they know their lives will be drastically altered.

3. Anger at the changes in your circumstances – Let’s face it, your life is different now. This couple you’ve been a part of no longer exists. This family you helped create has altered in appearance. You are now a single parent. What does that mean to you not only as a parent but as an individual too?

Financial circumstances have more than likely changed as well. This may have caused a move, a new job, less luxuries and more stress.

These are the three main reasons for the overwhelming feelings of anger during and right after a divorce. Now that you know them, it’s important to figure out what to do with them.

All of us want to be better parents and eventually be a better partner. I invite you to check out my latest special report “I’m Just So Mad!” Dealing with the Anger of Divorce” to learn effective ways of managing this strong emotion so that it doesn’t overtake you and your ability to move forward from your divorce. Remarriage Success.com’s mission is to prepare remarrying adults with children for their new family and marriage. We offer helpful resources to guide you every step of the way. Alyssa Johnson is the founder and CEO of Remarriage Success, she encourages your comments and feedback.

April 22, 2007 · Filed Under Remarriage and Stepfamilies, All Child Divorce Articles