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Chapter 1: The Fantasy of Reuniting Parents

Therapy Game Helps Children of Divorce Accept the New Reality.

The following chapter has been taken from “What Didn’t You Say?” - a comprehensive Parent’s Guide written to assist and guide you when employing Zipland as an effective therapy game for your child:

For years after the separation, children continue to hope that their parents will reunite as a couple and that the family’s “wholeness” will be restored. Sometimes they act-out in school, at home or in the community - anything that in their imagination may lead to their parents coming back together again. The main theme of the game - the split of the island and setting out on the journey to successfully construct a zipper big enough to join the islands together - is a metaphor for this yearning.

Throughout the game, both the hero and the player strive to attain this goal. However, a child’s attempts to reunite his parents not only comes at the expense of other important things in his life, but in the end is rarely successful.

QUESTIONS PARENTS MAY WANT TO ASK THEIR CHILDREN

Why do you think Moose wants to get the islands back together?

Do you think that he will succeed at the end? Why?

If you were in his place what would you do?

How do you think Moose feels about this task?

INFORMATION PARENTS MAY WANT TO ELICIT FROM THE CHILD

Do you sometimes think about getting your father/mother back together?

Have you ever done anything to try and get us back together?

MESSAGES YOU MAY WANT TO CONVEY TO YOUR CHILD

As much as you might like to help us, this is something between us adults. Your energy is better spent with playing, schoolwork and friends.

If you are already divorced, try to explain to your child that this is a permanent thing that cannot be changed. It is sad, but permanent.

Though we may be divorced, maybe we can find a few occasional ways of being together for you, such as attending your birthday parties.

Even though Mom and Dad are living apart, I will do my best to ensure that Mom/Dad and I will always take care of you.

PARENTING TIPS

Be aware that fantasies of this sort are found in almost all children of divorced parents.

Be understanding of your child’s imagination, but be firm and gentle in helping him see that is it just his imagination.

Help your child understand that many other children also have the same fantasies. Knowing this will give your child some sense of relief. He or she will realize that they are not alone.

Help your child focus his energies on things that will help him get ahead and feel fulfilled in life.