Introduction - Part 1
By Chaya Harash, MSW
President and CEO of Zipland Interactive
As a family therapist dealing with divorce, I often encounter the pain of parents who themselves are confused, in a state of crisis, and have problems getting through to their children. I find myself facing the pain of children, expressed in ways that range from withdrawal and inability to communicate to outbursts of anger and acting out.
Parents crave accessible tools that will speak in language understandable to the child and that will help the children deal with the issues without resistance. It was the necessity for such a tool that brought together the group that conceived this game and brought it into existence.
Parents who wish to help their children nowadays can turn for guidance to books or various internet sites, can attend individual or family therapy [1] or can send their children to a support group for divorced children [2]. Excellent measures indeed - but ones which necessitate numerous additional factors such as, openness to treatment, commitment and enough luck to “fall into the hands of” a sufficiently qualified therapist specializing in divorce. Alternatively they can approach a school counselor, who may or may not be skilled enough to deal with this subject; they can also read books on the topic [3] or complete worksheets. [4]
All these measures assume the will and readiness to deal with the issue directly. However, particularly in the first stages, there is usually a tendency to repress feelings and avoid facing the issues squarely. [5]
Earthquake in Zipland not only offers the possibility of dealing with the issues in a more roundabout way through play but also opens the way to dialogue and becomes a valuable tool for therapists and parents.
Our guidelines for creating the game were based on our examination of the research on the effects of divorce on children.
Today many studies exist on the subject, the most well known being the research of Wallerstein [6] and Hetherington[7]. Although there are crucial differences in the results of these two researchers about the long-term effects of divorce, there is no debate about the short-term effects as it relates to the children’s feelings and behavior. In this game we address the short-term effects as they reflect the children’s experiences and the psychological tasks facing them. For example:
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Awareness and understanding that the parents have separated. [8]
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Separation from parental triangulation (Bowen, 1978) in order to deal with the emotional tasks appropriate to their age, studies, friendships, sports….
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Dealing with loss; loss of the family unit; loss of family ritual and tradition, loss of one of the parents on a regular basis, loss of completeness and sometimes loss of the feeling of being loved.
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Dealing with anger, fears and feelings of guilt.
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Coming to terms with and accepting the finality of separation.
Struggling with long-term tasks related to the forming of new partnerships, development of intimacy skills and coping with separation anxiety.
It is interesting that despite the large number of divorces, divorce is considered the second most powerful cause of stress.[9]
The question then arises: How can such “heavy” issues be handled through games?
Continue reading “Introduction - Part 2”
Go back to “The Psychological Angle - Main Menu”
[1] Kaslow, F.W. & Schwartz, L.L, (1987). The Dynamics of Divorce. New York: Brunner/Mazel.
[2] Rodgers Christian Counseling , NC
[3] Dinosaurs Divorce: A Guide for Changing Families by Laurence Brown, et al
[4] Gardner, R.A., (1978). The Boys and Girls Book about Divorce (Hebrew edition). Tel Aviv: Sadan Publishing House, Ltd.
[5] Wallerstein J., Lewis, J. & Blackeslee .S. (2000). The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce .New York: Hyperion.
[6] Wallerstein, J. & Kelly, J. B. (1980). Surviving the Breakup. New York: Basic Books.
[7] Rice, J.K. & Rice, D. G. (1986). Living Through Divorce.
[8] Kaslow, F., & Schwarz L. L., (1987). The Dynamics of Divorce, New York: Brunner/Mazel
[9] Stress Point Chart www.truckingsite.com/sheepdog/strc2/htm
