After Divorce: Happier, Stronger You

Identifying myself as a formerly married person didn’t work. But as a fabulous single woman, I’m smarter and sexier. Here’s how I found the smarter, sexier me.

By Deborah Moskovitch

 When I separated, although I didn’t realize it at the time, I had embarked on an adventure to some mysterious destination yet to be determined

My view of myself changed astronomically after my divorce. No longer part of a couple, I felt different, rattling around in my social circle with nothing to ground me in events.  Showing up at parties alone, I felt that no one was interested in what I had to say.   I was lost, as my world had been based on couples—it seemed that I had lost my identity.

But I soon realized that life would just pass me by if I identified myself with who I was—as part of a married couple, versus who I could be—a fabulous single woman.  Not growing, I would be the same lost person who I felt had little to contribute because I was no longer married.  I realized that life would just be empty and boring if I waited to be rescued by my Knight in Shining Armor. So, I opened myself up to many new experiences and opportunities, and along the way have become a very different person.

I feel strong, and have reconciled who I used to be in my marriage with who I’ve become today. I now have longer, straight hair when before I had short, curly hair.  There are fine lines around my eyes.  I’ve changed.  But, the changes are more than just physical. I now embrace my life with open arms as I allow myself to learn from life experience.  Not only have I settled into the new me, but my parents, siblings and friends have had to adapt too.  They find it interesting to relate to this newly introspective, assertive, smart, confident, sensitive and, dare I say, sexy woman.

Life is definitely different as a single woman in mid life, than when I was single in my twenties. I have a sense of who I am. I certainly did not have such a rich life when I first separated. I gained it through a lot of hard work and a desire to be content and happy.

As I move forward in life and developed an identity that makes me feel proud, these strategies helped me get to where I am today—of course, experience and research have helped enlighten me.

  • Get out there and socialize.  You are not going to meet people in your own house.
  • Develop your interests.  Connect with people who share the same hobbies and positive outlook.  Do you want to become a runner, a potter, a great cook?  Weave these activities into the new you.
  • Work on your inner beauty.  Feeling good about yourself and who you’ve become, will attract people into your life who have the same positive energy.
  • Include your married friends in your activities.  Let them see the new you, and what you have to offer—an interesting, stronger, happier, single woman.
  • Be your own role model.  Strive to become the type of person you admire.  Make a list of the attributes you most respect, and do what you need to get there.

It’s important for you to think of yourself not just as a newly single woman, or a mother, but as someone who is so much more. A worker, a friend, a volunteer—there are so many roles that you can play. You need to weave these other roles into your definition of yourself.

This article is original content on   

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply